Telling the ones you love that you love them, and why

This is one of the four or five most important things we get to do in life. One of my most cherished girl friends from high school and I reaquainted on face book. She apologized to me for "treating me badly" back in high school. Sheesh, I NEVER once thought that, and told her so. She now works counseling unwed mothers, being with them through their pregnancy as they carry it to full term. Some of these young girls have no one else. I'm weeping now just from the joy of having been loved by someone who follows so devoutly in the way as shown and told to us by Jesus of Nazereth - carpenter, fisher, teacher, leader, healer, story-teller, saviour.

Hi Donna! I'm sorry to hear that your folks are ailing. They were always so kind and generous to me, always made me feel I was welcomed and loved in their home, an honored guest at the dinner table, and they trusted me to be good to you (showing their extraordinarily excellent judgement of character)!

I doubt I ever shared this with you, but, it is as good as anything I ever wrote. I was saddened when you realized that I was not the boy friend you needed at that time of your life, but looking back, I was looking for something that was more than you were looking to share, which happens so frequently. But my motivation was honorable, and I did adore you so much (and have grown, thanks to this here facebook thingie, to adore you and admire you all the more:

China Doll
Here is evidence that I was once young, romantic, and subject to heartbreak. Didn't even know I still had a copy of this, written in 1969, when I wore a younger man's clothes. Assuredly, I gave away too much of myself - in those days anyway. Has anything changed?

China Doll

I am a China Doll.
Fragile.
Don't breath too hard,
I might fall and shatter.

The little brown-eyed, blond haired,
four year old child holds me
in his fingers (he can squeeze and I
might or might not shatter, probably
not, he's not yet strong, although he is
as a god with the power
of life and death. Unconsciously
he holds me to set me
down gently to play with
another day or to end suddenly
me. and when he does (he will, for he
knows no better) he may laugh,
or he may cry, but he will be
changed and he will remember.

I am a China Doll.
Fragile.
Don't breath to hard,
I might fall and shatter.

You hold me in your heart,
now, at least. You hold me
more than you will ever know.

A China Coll is at first fascinating,
lovable. But a China Doll
is unsure and even having the
power, he can only hold it impotently
until it inevitably changes hands.

You hold me more than you will
ever know. You hold me to set
me down gently to play with
another day or to drop and end suddenly,
me. you know, or at least should know
that China Dolls break and suddenly;
though if not forever, broken, they are changed.
I can be glued together again, and
again, and maybe I'll laugh and
maybe I'll cry, but I will be changed
and I will remember, and
I will break and break and break and break and break and
break and break again until finally,
I jump. Myself. And shatter
into a million lost pieces.
A China doll.

YOU HOLD ME MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW.

This was all about you, and your youngest brother, and, of course, me. But the problem with me was that I invested and placed in your hands too much responsibility for my own autonomy, which is never a good thing.

One of my favorite songs is Kathy's Song, by Simon and Garfunkel. But, the problem with that song, is that the poet has invested too much of his autonomy, too much of his heart, in another human being. That's WAY too much to give away, and way to much to put on some one else's plate. Lord only knows, we have enough of our own life to deal with without having someone dump theirs into our laps.

I've developed a wonderful (albeit long distance) relationship with Kathleen Harris, as amazing a human being as ever I've met (and I've met quite a few amazing ones - in the best sense of "amazing"). I re-worked the Simon and Garfunkel song for her, and for what she gives to me, for what we share, and for what we hold on to of our own. Here goes:

I hear the drizzle of the rain
Like a sweet melody it falls
Soft and warm continuing
Tapping on my roof and walls

And from the safe harbor of my mind
Through the bay window of my eyes
I gaze beyond the rain-drenched streets
To L.A. Where my heart lies

My mind is focused, unconfused
Though my thoughts are many miles away
They dream of of when you're asleep
They kiss you when you start your day

And I song I was writing's so soon done
I don't know how you inspire me so
Filling me with God's grace and Love
Always remembering to let me know

And as I watch those drops of rain
Weave their cheery paths and thrive
I know that I am like the rain
When I'm with you I'm most alive

And so you see I have no doubts
All that I once held still holds as true
I stand tall, sharing my beliefs
In the one true God with you

All is inordinately well in my world. I know what I am called to do, and it still leaves me with much time to do much, much more; to learn something new every day; and to rejoice in the simplest of things. I am blessed in so many ways, and you have indeed been one of those blessings.

Warmest regards, deepest gratitude.

Mark