INTRODUCTION:
My son, Adam James Ganzer and I have quite seripidiously written a book complete with the illustrations, mostly drawn by Adam and his cousins Nathan Popa and Scott David Offutt.
One of the many fun thing about cousins is that you can kill them and mutilate their bodies, but, come next weekend ... they're B A C K! As Adam so nobly describes below.
Once there was a guy named Nathan, got slaughtered by Siberian bears. They tore the meat from his bones and ate his pancreas. Then Timone and Pumba cam and took a dump on him. The same thing happened to Roland Trump.
Lau Chaun had his eyes lasered to a cruncy crisp by Fulgore. Then Sean Connery was beheaded by Duncan MacCloud. The birds started swarming and Batman had a seizure in the Batmobile. And Nathan is still dead, eaten by Siberian bears. And a dragon pierced Nathan's head.
EULOGY - Given by Colleen Zenk-Pinter at the NYC Memorial Service of the Life of John Franklin Ganzer, the finest man I have ever known.
To say that my sister Gay loves horses is like saying God loves humankind. She has owned several, and, as happens to all living (and non-living) entities, these magnificent creatures do succumb to the mortal coil. I wrote a letter in the hope of providing her some comfort.
The days of Adam, the days of Adam and Nathan, the days of Adam, Nathan, and Scott, and finally, and most gloriously, the days of Adam, Nathan, Scott, and Graham were the best days of my life. Saturday was the big day - the day of the arrival first of Adam (usually accompanied by Nathan), followed by the arrival of Scott (who spent much of Saturday doing his homework ... he had pretty much completed his homework for the elementary school year before school reopened after the Christmas holidays. And, in the last final blazing glorious days of Pompeii, it would be Adam, then Scott, then Nathan and Graham together now that their parents had married and they were officially half-brothers.
As much fun as it was to serve the boys, to watch Xena Warrior Princess and Herculese with them, to ingest cola's, soda's nacho chips and cheese, hot dogs, burgers, ice cream, it was important to take some time out for myself. And this I did, from approximately 6:00 p.m. until 6:25 p.m., to tape record Garrison Keillor's The Prarie Home Companion's News From Lake Woebegone.
Remaining true to the rituals of those blessed Saturday afternoons, feeding into late, late, late Saturday night, on until 12:00 noon when Adam and Nathan would be picked up to go to mass at Saint Ann's, the largest parish in the Chicago-land Diocese, we shall take a breather here, and read the words that Garrison so ebulliently spoke in keeping us up to date on the goings on, the pitfalls, pratfalls, minor triumphs, and major tragedies of that land hidden between the mists, the forests, and the lakes of Minnesota, Lake Woebegone, where all the women are strong, the men are good-looking, and the children, above average.
MANURE - A story told by Garrison Keillor
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