THE HAIRCUT WARS - Somersby

Bob Somersby's Daily Howler web site shows how to become a critical reader, to learn HOW to think, and to challenge those who anoint our eyes with the trivia of various celebrity cults (and anti-celebrity cults). To challenge those who assault our ears with their timorous sophomoric banter to do their job and report matters of substance. Somersby bemoans the deterioration of the national discourse (when televised from the beltway or when presenting itself as republican party talking points masquerading as substance from nationally syndicated op-ed writers) and the sewer into which our press corpse has slunk.


Friday's subject was: Hair Cuts

Let’s start with an elementary fact. Given the history of the past fifteen years, it’s amazingly unwise for a Democratic White House candidate to get his hair cut at a place called The Pink Sapphire. But alas! Because he made this foolish move, John Edwards has joined former candidates Clinton and Kerry as victims of the press corps’ long “haircut wars.” Since 1992, only Gore, among Dem nominees, has escaped this kind of insightful press scrutiny. But then, there was no time to study Gore’s cut; he was busy being criticized for his boots, his earth tones and his three-button suits—Chris Matthews thought of a horny sailor—and, of course, for his polo shirts, which caused Brian Williams such angst. At one point in October 1999, Williams attacked the troubling polo shirts five nights in an eight-day period. (They were Gore’s attempt to fool female voters. See THE DAILY HOWLER, 12/11/01.) Today, this kooky fellow stands behind the anchor desk at a well-known place—NBC News.

How bad have the haircut wars become? Today, the Post calls in the heavy artillery—Robin Givhan, on page one of Style. Givhan’s the person on whom they call to make us think that they’re all bat-crazy. Meanwhile, Nagourney fusses and clucks at the Times. He’s never heard of such outrageous charges for hair care on a man.

Yes, it was dumb when Edwards dropped by The Pink Sapphire. At the Post, they live to explore such big topics. Why on earth is Gore so fat? they asked on page one of this Sunday’s Style section. This morning, on the same page, they ask: Why does Edwards “primp” so much? Our guess: They actually think their brilliant insights help us see to the souls of these hopefuls. They think that this highly selective nonsense is part of the crucial “character” vetting that helps us pick out our next chief.

And we’d have to say this—their record is strong! As they picked and pulled at Gore’s clothes, they could just see it: Al Gore was a fake! By contrast, George Bush was a plain-spoken man, these savants were willing to tell us.