Stories, poems, musings and ponderings: December 2010

2010-12-31

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptise cats.
2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you
once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 17 success is .. having a drivers licence.
At age 35 success is . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 70 success is . .. . having a drivers licence.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.

Pass this on to someone who could use a laugh.

Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way;
BUT NEVER forget the blessings that come each day.

Have a wonderful day with many *smiles*

Take the time to live!!!
Life is too short. Dance naked

2010-12-30

Tired of being a foreigner in my own country - Nathan Popa commentary

One grand and glorious Saturday late afternoon when the boys were here (weren't those days all grand and glorious?), Nathan initiated this conversation with me:

What are we going to have to eat?

Hamburgers and hot dogs.

Oh, thank the gods! An American meal. I'm tired of being a foreigner in my own country.

You Butt - the song (From the Poker Player's Operatic Libretto)

Some Saturdays when the boys came to visit they would play "poker;" 3's, 9's, jokers wild, extra card on any 4.

The games could get intense, but only in the way that kittens play intensely; all for fun - a little stretching of the growling muscles and tossing of the insults.

I sang this a Capella the week after this conversation occurred and got a STANDING OVATION. Higher praise from 10-12 year old boys gets no man greater than this.

If I can play to THAT crowd, I can play to any.

2010-12-29

Hiroshima Remembers - A Poem by Adam James Ganzer

2010-12-27

Attitude, recovery, and the things that happen in between to make us lose our courage

ATTITUDE - words can make a great deal of difference

And some days, we TRULY get the attitude thing, along with our own significance in the world

In order to get better, to recover, from the slings and arrows of outrageous daily fortune, we have to get over such moments, just accept them, live through them, get on with life.

2010-12-25

MaGoo & the Shroo are driving me f#cking nutzoid

What the hell is it with these two people, married to each other for what will be 62 years come this January 11. They are always competing for the last f#cking word. Never seen two people be 100+% in agreement and f#cking ARGUE to the death, for that opportunity to get in the last word. They were made for each other. A Perfect Fit. They deserve each other.

Hell, Mary Jo Hart Brust told me to tell them how lucky they are to still have each other. And she should know, since she no longer has the love of her life, gone way too young after merely 36 years of marriage. AND I TOLD THEM. TO THEIR FACES. INDIVIDUALLY & COLLECTIVELY.

Here's what it takes for dad to "get it." Mom is in the emergency room and the hospital is asking about her wishes in the event that she can only be kept alive in a vegetative state. "I bawled like a baby. I remembered the first time I ever saw her. I knew she was the one I had to marry."

This, then, is what it f#cking takes. A near death experience.

And while MaGoo is frequently a solipsitic jerk, I HAVE FINALLY FIGURED OUT THAT HE IS NOT THE ONLY PART OF THE JERK EQUATION. She KNOWS how to jerk his chain, and she will do it with impunity, in public, with witnesses, where he has to maintain the facade.

Good Lord have Mercy. Let me NEVAH treat a living creature as abusively as those two treat each other.

AMEN