Paraprosdokian Sentences - Thanks Linda Rae Luther

Paraprosdokian Sentences: A figure of speech that uses an unexpected ending phrase.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.


Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.


Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.


The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.


Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.


If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.


We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.


War does not determine who is right - only who is left.


Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.


Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.


To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.


How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?


Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.


I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.


I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.


Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?


A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.


You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.


Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.


A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.


Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.


Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.


When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.


You're never too old to learn something stupid.


To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.