Thinkin' 'Bout Chew

I know, it sounds so incredible, but I swear

That we've met before, and I think it was on

An inbound train to the city.

Of course, you wouldn't recognize me now,

For then, I was a bald-headed man,

And weighed 35 more pounds.

What I remember about you is how beautiful

You looked, and it was more than your lovely

Face, and your piercing eyes, and soulful

Smile – it was much more than that!

It was the way you looked so much the mature

And talked, the mature young lady that I was

Stunned to see, that when you curled your hair

With your fingers, it was clear that you were

Still just a teen-aged girl, with the single solitary

Exception that you had never been given the

Opportunity to safely be a young teen-aged girl

Hanging out on weekend nights at slumber

Parties with your best friends forever,

Doing your nails with and for each other,

And talking and LAUGING so uproariously

About young boys, and how they would

embarrass themselves with you, not understanding

That their shyness and inexperience did not

Make them unattractive to you, but, au contraire,

Made them charming to you, especially when one

Of them would get out of his shellish world

And call you to talk on the telephone for

A while (what a joke, you'd have talked the

Night away with any one of them; you had

No favorite, just an empathetic understanding

That what they were going through, and what

You were going through, those experiences

They were not so different from one another

And how cruel it must have been, to have your

World betrayed by a trusted one, never again to

Be a teen-aged girl, protected safe in her own home,

The sound of the laughter of other teen-aged girls

Resounding throughout your house, and all the smiles

And goofy ideas for rationales for escape – oh Good

God in Heaven up above, you all could REALLY

Invent some doozies there. 'T'ain't no American

Politician on the planet better at self-rationalizing,

And they usually worked too, because you went

For cigarette butts in the best place here in town

(You had slumber party girl girl-friends here too,

That much I remember) at the restaurant Chelsie's,

Where the butts usually ounumber the customers,

And these butts are SUBSTANTIAL, so substantial that you

Knew for a flat-out fact, that this was an upper income

Town – who else can afford to toss away a two puff butt?

And now, that you've escaped high school, and have a job

All lined up in Colorado, the staff here is telling you that it's

You that is the big problem, and here, I would argue with them

I would be the big champion for you, but they are not going to

Hear me, and they would take it as evidence that my

Meds are NOT working, when in-fact, I feel more factfoid-

Filled and more logical argument winning now than when

My BAL is at the .120 window

So, yes, young lady, beautiful young lady, now you've got

That which you were seekin' that friend who is always there

For you, who can afford to give up what he's doin' and go on

Outrageous adventures – do the slumber party thang, HELL,

Beautiful Lady, I'll even let you do my toe nails, and wear

Clogs for the world to see … won't THAT give us a laugh and a half!

In fact, now I quite understand why Tull sang Goin' Back to the Family

My telephone wakes me in the morning --
have to get up to answer the call.
So I think I'll go back to the family
where no one can ring me at all.
Living this life has its problems
so I think that I'll give it a break.
Oh, I'm going back to the family
`cos I've had about all I can take.

Master's in the counting house
counting all his money.
Sister's sitting by the mirror --
she thinks her hair looks funny.
And here am I thinking to myself
just wond'ring what things to do.

I think I enjoyed all my problems
Where I did not get nothing for free.
Oh, I'm going back to the family --
doing nothing is bothering me.
I'll get a train back to the city
that soft life is getting me down.
There's more fun away from the family
get some action when I pull into town.

Everything I do is wrong,
what the hell was I thinking?
Phone keeps ringing all day long
I got no time for thinking.
And every day has the same old way
of giving me too much to do.

So, with me, the venue is pretty simple:

Monday the IPGA tournament, where with a little bit of luck

I can snag a bag and make half-a-hundred, and with a LOT of luck,

We can both snag bags and make the full C-note

Won't that be grand, almost too much money for us

But, we've been down that road before, and with you

As my body guard, and me as your assassin, we can safely

Ride the rails – get ourselves out to Yvonn'es, where the

Pitchers are, oh my God, check this out:

Three dollars a piece, and the pool table is FREE

Whoop Dee Doo

And the Depot, where my beloved Paul and Sheryl run

What will be the best Irish bar in the country, once they

Start opening at 7 a.m. – except their damn bar tenders

Are so slovenly drunk at that hour, that they'd give the damn

Place away.

Tuesdays – those will have to be your days, love

Wednesdays – open mic at Lamp's

Thursdays – open mic at Corkscrew Pointe

Fridays – karioke at the Deopt

Saturdays – karioke at the Depot

Sundays – chruch in Ingleside, where, quite literally

We can go to three services, plus a bible study,

And learn Spanish well enough to flit peaceably amongst

The crowd at the Spanish bar in Round Lake.

Soundin' like a whole lot of fun, dear.

Whoop Dee Doop!

Something to look forward too.

I got a friend, and she befriends me

I got a friend, we got a lot of worlds to see

She got a friend now, don't get better than this

She gots me, I gots her, we don't ever need to kiss

We shall hit the rails and roam

Never farther than 60 miles from home

I gots her, she gots me, I tell you what a lot of fun will have WE!

Whoop Dee Doop!